Change.

Change:  make different; cause a transformation.

Well It's 2011. I'm sitting here with Vincent. We are both getting our pedicures. (Vincent's first pedicure) My sister is in the other room getting her eyebrows done. Vincent and I will be embarking on a new beginning. Creating new changes in our lives. What will come for us in the future we may not know yet, but it's something we have to start. You have to start with change. What's life going to be like if you continue to settle or do things just because they are convenient? Not going for what you really want in life? I've decided at 29 to stop settling and do not only what's best for my child, but what's best for me as well. I've been playing it safe for Vincent. Giving him a good home, food and a roof over his head. At one point that was good enough, but now it's just not enough. I want to be able to offer him more. He deserves better. Although I've been giving him the best of what I could for so long and doing it mostly on my own. I did have the support and assistance of my family whenever I needed it. I don't know where I would be if it were not for my loving family. We have a little one here. My mother, Sister, Brother, Sister-in-law and my beloved nephew. Everyone else is in either New York or Puerto Rico.

So let's talk about this change. Change can be many things. It can be change within yourself, physically, emotionally or mentally. You can change the way you think, feel, or look. Based on what you feel you need in life. I have lived my life and have been OK with my life being predictable. That's the definition of Jessie. Predictable & plays it safe. I don't take chances. Why? For fear. Fear of failing. Well I'm done with being fearful and being afraid of failing. Because if you are afraid to fail, how will you ever be successful? If I do fail at least I can say I tried. I don't think I have ever been able to say: "at least I tried". I just didn't try it. I didn't try.

I have failed at things and succeeded at others. I don't know what has caused this inner stirring of wanting to continue on a different path. One that I was not on before. Some say it's my "30's Mid-Life crisis. Some say that they are proud and will stand by me no matter what. It's what you get when you announce anything that is out of the ordinary. Out of what they are used to expecting of you. I'm going on a self-fulfilling journey. One that will fulfill my child's needs and one that will fulfill my own. For once in my life I will stop worrying about if everyone else is taken care of. People are grown and are able to take care of themselves. I will still initially worry as I am a worrier. I am a Libra! It will take some getting used to, but I will conquer this!

I will conquer Yessenia. I will not conquer the world, but I will try to put my wisdom to use. To help others. To help heal. It's what I was made to do.